Catching up

its been, well…months.

I have been working at Habitat long enough now for health insurance to kick in (meaning 3 months) and I am loving my job.  There are aspects of it I dislike, but that comes with the territory.  I love working with home owners and with my construction team.  It’s an incredible job and a wonderful opportunity.

Becky is soon to graduate and will head off to India for two weeks after December.  I am excited (more than her I think at this point) about the trip because India was my first trip abroad and it will be hers as well.  It is one of the first places that truly touched my heart and it will always be dear to me.

I was able to teach in the college hour a few weeks ago and thoroughly enjoyed myself.  It was a painful reminder of the fact that I am not really serving in any type of ministerial role to anything right now.  It reminded me of how much I miss it. not sure where that is leading me at this point.

Well…I rarely get a chance to touch the computer with Becky still in school, but I wanted to catch this thing up to date as much as possible.  hope this concise summary will suffice.

Peace. Grace.

To the edge of the scaffolding and back

The long haul is over.  Graduation has come and gone.  A new job has replaced class work.  Life is different, yet again.

This summer has brought enormous change and enormous growth.  After getting hitched, I began learning to be a husband and thus learning how to give of myself more than ever.  I also assumed the weight of being the ‘provider’ onto m shoulders.  By God’s grace Becky had a great job this summer while I finished school and worked part time, but as the months went by the deadline for us to switch those roles was fast approaching and the weight was growing heavier.

this time was a struggle for me and affected every area of my life.  I sent out well over 80 applications and followed up on those with phone call after phone call.  Nothing was even close to looking good.  Every time something came back positive, several more doors were shut and that one positive door would always get put on hold.  Jobs that promised interviews would call and say that the process was on hold for another month or two, well beyond the time that I would need some money coming in for my family.  This was tough.  I was trying to figure out what I could sell  (cars, tools, etc.) to help make ends meet.  I was scared.

But this period taught me one thing:  trusting God.  Person after person after person kept telling me that God was good and would therefore provide a job.  I cant even begin to describe how angry that made me.  It was certainly done out of love and encouragement, but I wanted to ask all of them whether God would then be ‘bad’ if He didn’t provide a job right away.  I wanted to ask if all those who don’t have work right now have a right to lose faith because God had somehow cast them aside.  I wanted to scream that the goodness of God is given to me in abundance through the gift of Grace, and that’s all that matters.  Whether my wife and I went from enough to starving over the course of a few months would not lessen the goodness of God in any way.  This was a thought that was difficult for us to believe and trust in, but I feel that we were really guided by the Spirit in being able to believe and trust in the Lord, regardless of how the situation seemed.  We were taught much about hoping in Christ and not in safety, money, or anything else.

But God was gracious to us and did provide for us the very week that I graduated.  As I entered my final week in college, I had no idea what I would do after that.  By the end of that week I had 4 interviews set up for the next week.  After over 80 application being sent out from Bellmead to Killeen with no interviews lined up, I was given 4 interviews for the week after graduation.  We couldn’t believe that it was happening.  Just as I felt like I was at a breaking point, (I was handling the trusting part well…not so much the feeling like a failure for not being able to provide part well), God granted us peace about where we were and how things would be for us.

One of those jobs worked out and I am the new Construction Supervisor for Waco’s Habitat for Humanity.  Essentially I work construction all day from about 7:00 to 4:00 Tuesday through Saturday.  I have a few people who work for me in the afternoons, but my biggest job is instructing volunteers when the show up.  We do quite a bit of work without volunteers, but they are our bread and butter.  I have been working for a week now and love my job.  I have much to learn about the trade, but my experiences will serve me for the rest of my life!

I am now moving into a new season of life and it will undoubtedly provide its own places of frustration and uncertainty, but its a great place to be.  We already see that my wife and I having different days off will prove difficult, and I am now almost on month 4 (with 3 more to go) without being able to afford health insurance, and Becky’s friends are in entirely different places than I am (which will be challenging as she tries to fit into their schedules to see them and work around mine in spending spouse-time).

This stage will not be easy, but we are excited about being here. We were worried about living with no income and now we have just enough to get by.  God has been so gracious to us and we deserve none of it.  I hope that we watch for what He can teach us during this transition into adulthood.  (He is already starting by challenging us through the Scripture-saturated words of Francis Chan in “Crazy Love”!!)

Check, Please!

I have found that as of late I enjoy describing my eye-opening experiences by proclaiming that the truth I discovered hit me like a brick…or some variation of that.  Well, that happened today. 

I was just plodding along in the blogosphere checking on a few friends and on a few people I admire from a great distance when I got stopped in my tracks because of a posting about grace.  Grace is a subject that thrills me because we are so undeserving of it.  I love grace.  I am a horrible, sinful, unrighteous person and I LOVE grace.  But I struggle with giving it. Being married has helped with that, but I have a long way to go.  

Anyway, I was reading this article/post/blog/whatever and the author used a word that struck me with an even greater realization of my sin in small things; the word was gratuity. He was simply making a point that the word ‘grace’ is still used in every-day situations in our culture, but the weight that the word ‘grace’ transfers to the word ‘gratuity’ is immense, and it hit me.  The very word we use to leave someone a tip at the end of a meal is a symbol of God’s perfect and redeeming grace for undeserving sinners.  Yet, I have always been enslaved by my sin in this.  I never connected the two.  Every time I have ever left a smaller gratuity to a  waiter or waitress because of what I perceived to be less-than-par service ( and on the especially cruel occasion as a high-school moron, the one penny atrocity), I was denying them the grace that I receive from Christ.  I used the very word that signifies the gift I receive undeservedly to self-righteously judge them based on my own imperfect criteria. 

I pray that I grow to see how my actions reveal something of the nature of God to the world.   I pray that I learn to show grace, especially in the small things.

SBC-ers…more alike than we admit.

Courtesy of Michael Criner, I came across a blog/article that really peaked my interest.  It is a little long, but well worth one’s time.  The article goes into the SBC controversies over the last few years and compares and contrasts the reality as he saw it with how he thinks this generation operates.  he was spot on about my generation, I thought.  he really does a great job of showing just how similar we are to our predecessors, even if we are slow to admit it. 

You can read the article here.

My mind usually wages war with itself

As I sat in ‘Sunday school’ this past Sunday we began a discussion over the first dozen or so verses in James (ok…the first 18 verses to be exact). Our discussion was geared towards talking about trials and how we can be joyful when we face trials because we know that we are being trained in our faith.  We will learn to trust God even more during our trials and we will learn to find joy in the end results…certainly a great lesson to be learned there.  As many an old minister might say, “that’ll preach”.

But I found myself generally plagued with questioning different, perhaps lesser, issues in the text, as usual.  Questions came to mind about the rich man and poor man spoken about in verses 9 and 10.  What constitutes a rich man? a poor man?  if the rich man fades away, is not only the love of money but also the possession of it sinful? Without question, a worker deserves his wages, but what is a fairwage to be paid, or better yet, to earn? In our class discussion, we (myself included) took the general rich man approach and looked towards people who deal in the billions of dollars as being rich.  Now, we knew enough not to think ourselves poor, but even then we looked at scenarios of poverty that can still be better off than the rest of the world.  What does it mean to be rich or to be poor?  I am not looking for hard line, but the old answer than ‘whatever is in your heart’ isn’t good enough.  my heart is an idol factory and I want my nice truck or my nice nail-gun.  I want my wife to have a car that runs so she doesn’t have to worry about it breaking down.  Most of the world doesn’t have a single car.  Where is some sense of rich and poor?  Do we gloss it over and hope for the best?  Do we sell everything and live under a bridge?  I dont think so.  But what?   And yes…I have visited this topic before, many times before.

Another thought on my mind in class…what does it mean when james talks about the one who perseveres will receive the crown of life?! With the well-known faith and works passage ahead of us, my mind instantly jumps to the question of how works and faith go together.  It is by grace alone that the process of justification takes place.  I have no doubts here.  But what about sanctification? There are multiple palces in scripture that require works from us, and there are many places that speak of rewards in heaven and on earth.  I do not think that my helping my neighbor gets me a promotion, or better grades, but what might it mean?  there is plenty of talk in scripture about rewards and works getting you somewhere.  How do we apply that to our understanding of grace and of salvation? 

Also, what does it mean that God does not tempt us?  it is clear in this passage that we are tempted because we are sinful and thus God is not tempted because God is not sinful. Does this mean then that God never places us into positions where we might sin?  God doing this would not be a temptation, because the temptation comes from within.  But what about passages where God hardens hearts and the result is that someone sins?  ultimately this would lead one back to the origin of evil, but my mind stopped at the question of what it really means when James talks about temptation.

My mind was wandering quote a bit during Sunday school this week.  I like these hard questions.  But I also like the beauty of simple truths found in scripture.  I just wanted to share a little glimpse into where my mind went this week while we discussed trials, ha.

new updates on life as we live it

it has been a while.  well…two weeks. These past few weeks have been crazy, to say the least.  

So here is an update on life as it is:

1)    We went to Six Flags Over Texas in Arlington for a day.  it was wonderful!!  I am not the biggest fan of 6 flags, but my wonderful wife has been dying to go for months so we finally did.  it didn’t hurt that Baylor was selling tickets at more than half off the regular price!  We really came away spending much less than I expected and we got more than one usually does at 6 flags anyway.  There were no lines.  it. was. awesome.  We could ride whatever ride we wanted to, get off, and ride again.   For some reason, one ride (that wasn’t all that good!) had a consistent line of 30 minutes while every other ride was empty.  It was a good day.

2)     We have been learning about confession.  We have always tried to be honest and open with one another, but marriage calls for something more.  Marriage calls for the type of transparency that scares people.  it calls for there to be no secrets, regardless of the painfulness of the sinned-against spouse.  marriage calls for confession. We have been blessed and humbled recently to try and pursue such transparency with one another.  Through this we have gotten to experience the grace of God in profound ways.  confession to my wife and hearing her confession and each of us giving and receiving grace stirs my affection for Christ.  That’s a good thing.

3)     I, Chris, have been looking for work more vigorously as of late.  Over the last few months I have submitted at least 60 applications/resumes to various places of employment.  There are obviously several career choices that really peak my interest, but that is not what it is about.  its about being a man and providing for my family.  Now, that in no way encompasses all that it means to be a man but it does speak towards part of it.  Men are the leaders of their families and one way they lead is to provide for their family’s well being.  As of now, I have not had a single call-back on one of my applications.  I have made several calls checking on positions and I have received innumerable rejection letters and emails, but no call-backs or interviews.  What can I say? A religion degree doesn’t count for a lot this side of Seminary.  I have applied for positions in banks, as animal control, as a secretary, as a janitor, as a manual laborer, as a human resources officer, as gardener, as a teller, as a social worker, as a chaplain, and in several other lines of work.  Just about every major industry has been attempted…but no hits as of yet.  So, we keep trying.  We keep praying, and we keep waiting.  I grow tired of people telling me that ‘God has a job’ because that, to me, is not the message of the Gospel.  To me, the Gospel says that God is sovereign no matter what and He is good because of Christ.  I never want to suppose health or wealth as being part of the Gospel.  if I do not have a job, does that mean God is less good? No. so why would the reverse be true?

4)    I am graduating in one month.  I am really not excited.  I have no desire to be in college, but the idea of having to go through a ceremony does not interest me.  the reality that graduation could officially point to my unemployment also does not please me.  And mostly, after being married…graduation seems less important.

5)  Becky’s family and my in-laws have had some real trouble lately.  They were out at their property when a fire broke loose.  They have no idea how it started, or more specifically what they did to cause it, but nevertheless it started.  the fire broke free of their property and tragically burned up about 2000 acres, including a vacation home, a horse trailer, two out buildings, and several acres of timber (meaning wood meant to be sold to the forest industry to make paper and the like).  We do not miss the irony that my father is the interim director of the Texas Forest Service and they are the ones who put out the fire…but we are sobered by the reality of property lost and the financial difficulty that could be incurred by my in-laws.  As of now, the fire is out and we will watch and pray as the coming weeks unfold. 

6)    We are anxiously awaiting the return of some of our friends from Iraq.  They are working with the Preemptive Love Coalition, and we have certainly missed their presence.  it will be good to have them return and share in their rejoicing as they recount the stories of God’s grace from that war-torn country.

Did we miss something?

Well here is 6 weeks worth of reflection…sorta.

I was having coffee with a good friend the other night and he inquired about how marriage has shown us something of ourselves or of our spouse, and I couldn’t really answer well.  I think that’s because so much hasn’t changed.  We certainly expected, somehow, that after the wedding everything would be different.  Our old struggles would melt away in place of new, married ones.  We expected for things to fix themselves and we expected that somehow the world would just change. 

Ok, we didn’t expect everything to be just like that, but we did think it would be different.  But it really hasn’t been.

There was no real time of getting use to one another in a new context and there was no real awkwardness.  We simply continued along as we were.  And that has been nice. really nice.

The major changes come from an increase in things that already existed.  What I mean is that where I once served, I now serve even more.  Where she once encouraged me in one way, now that same action means so much more.  Everything we felt or thought or did seems to be multiplied in intensity.  that’s interesting for us.  We have both had to learn what it means to serve the other person better and responsibility has certainly stepped up (like getting up at a real-world time!).  But things really aren’t that different.  They are just better.  I don’t know what we thought would change or how it would, but they didn’t.  Things just became better and harder all at once. 

We have certainly been confirmed in our marriage and we have enjoyed learning more about one another.  it has been an exciting time of learning, for sure.  (Just the other day Becky told me that she always knew I was clean and neat, but living with me has shown her a whole new depth of that in me!)  

Have we disagreed? yes.  have I seen that I love her imperfectly? yes.  Have we served one another and worked together and loved one another better than we ever did before? yes.  Its been a great 6 weeks of getting to know each other in a deeper way, though not exactly how we expected.

Father’s Day Weekend

Fathers day is coming up…so Becky and I are hittin’ the road.  We will stop shortly to see my folks in Bryan before heading down south even further to  Houston to stay with her family for a week.  it will be good to see everyone and to do so as a married couple.  it is easier to transition when you are doing it daily…but I think it may be slightly strange to our parents when they see us function differently than we did before.

But…thats what we are up to this weekend.

I mean…I must be doing something with my time…

I am currently in school and working.  I start work at 8 and get off at 5 like most people, but I have three hours of school mixed in as well to complicate my day.  My evenings are spent with my wonderful wife and doing some reading for my classes.  However, I am able to catch a handful of pages from different books throughout my day. 

I have always been amazed when I read these type of blog posts or this type of question covered in an article and people have a list of 6 or 7 books they are currently reading.  I never understood that.  I have always been a 1-book-kinda-guy.  Well…I started trying to broaden my reading abilities and read multiple[le books at once.  I am able to do this because I read different books centered around different points in my day. 

Anyway, here’s what I have been reading…

I am reading J. I. Packer’s Knowing God in the morning after a time of prayer and scripture reading.  This man challenges me to connect with the Father in a deep and meaningful way.  His words remind me of where I ought to be.

I am reading a collection of writings by Kierkegaard entitled Provocations.  The writings are generally short-er, coming in between 4 and 10 pages.  this man challenges my mind and keeps me from falling too far into a man-made systemic approach to Christ.  He reminds me that God becoming man is the greatest paradox and something like that doesn’t always create nice and easy formulas to faith or practice (if those two are even different). I like to sit and read from this about once a day when I have a few spare minutes. 

I have ben re-reading Piper’s God is the Gospel as a refresher for me.  This book was a wonderful first-read for me and I am revisiting it during down moments between classes.  it has been good to re-read, because it reminds me of the centrality of the glory of Christ in the goodness of the Gospel. 

I have an armful of books that I own and have not read yet and would like to sometime this summer/fall…here are a few of those…

• Packer’s Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God
• Piper’s Future Grace
• Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion
• Strobel’s The Case for Christ
• Les Miserables
• Blackaby’s Spiritual Leadership

These are in no way exhaustive of what I have and have yet to (though I want to) read.  I am also contemplating learning the Arabic Script this fall…any thoughts on a cheap and still decent book or program for learning to write and pronounce it?   The language part can come much later…

Truth

It is a blessing for me to grow in understanding that Truth is Christ.  Truth is not a doctrine, a man-made system, or even an idea.  Jesus is Truth.  To make it more makes it too human.

I am thankful for the grace of God to continually bring me alongside Himself despite my idolatrous disposition.